I'm going to open by saying I freaking love sex. I really do. It's great fun. I like it clean, or dirty and messy. I like it savage, I like it playful. I like it any which way but loose. [Ha... hahahaha... oh god. I'm hilarious.] I have a voracious appetite for it. Here's the thing: I practice sexual abstinence. Which is to say - I don't put out. At all. People have strange and varied reactions when I tell them this. It is apparently so shocking and unbelievable to them, that the general consensus seems to be that I'm bullshitting them and that what I really mean to say is "I will fuck anything that moves". As of the time of writing, I've been sexually inactive for just shy of three months. I haven't masturbated for about six weeks. I'll give you a moment to get over your shock and confusion.
The other main reaction, once the disbelief has faded, is curiosity. Why would you not want to have sex? The thing is, I do want to. I just choose not to. I suppose in such a highly sexualised world where even children's clothing has a pretty big raunch factor that to be so content to not get my shag on would be baffling to most people. I'm finding I'm copping an equal amount of shit for my abstinence as I am for my foray into veganism. Why the divide, people? Can any of you provide answers on this? Why is it so inconceivable that someone could actually be happy without sex? I understand why people are surprised that I don't get down and dirty on a regular basis considering my liberal use of smutty comments and humour, and my wicked tendency towards flirtation; but I don't get why it's such a big deal.
My intent is to continue this way until at least my 28th birthday (late September '12); unless I meet someone I absolutely cannot resist, in which case I'm going to dive in head first. [I'm going to leave the innuendo to you, dear reader.] I can't make a plan without taking into account the bizarre and tricky things the universe likes to get up to. Like throwing a wonderful man (or woman) your way when you're actively avoiding any form of romantic and/or physical connection with your preferred gender. I haven't set myself any strict rules or boundaries. I am in a perpetual state of evolution, and I have made allowances for that fact. I am different every day. The great thing about being an independent and unattached adult is that I can do what (who...) I please. Or in this case, not do what (who...) I please.
Of course, none of that touches on my reasons for my choice(s). I guess there are a few factors to consider, and I'm sure there are more that I haven't realised yet. That being said, I must confess my biggest reason for keeping my legs shut - authenticity. At this point in my life any raunchy romps would be insincere, an absolute sham. While I have some incredibly sexy friends, I can no longer bring myself to have sex just because it's expected of me, or because I can't find a "good enough" reason to reject advances. Don't get me wrong, there are a few people I know who I'd just about sell my soul for a tumble with... but I refuse to be just another notch on someone's belt. I am special. I am wonderful, divine and incredible - and I deserve to be with someone who thinks so too. It's not that I'm sexually uptight; quite the opposite really. I just know, now, that I deserve to be loved for all of who and what I am, not just temporarily adored for what my body can do. Besides, I've done the fuck-buddy thing before and it just doesn't work for me. I don't want to be a part of something in which I have to hold myself back. That reeks of betraying my authenticity, and therefore myself.
Make no mistake - the path I've chosen isn't always easy. Sometimes all I want to do is grab the nearest phallic object and go for gold. (Just wait. My housemate will read this and then she'll hide all the wang-shaped items. *laugh*) Most of the time I'm bored and indifferent, but every so often I just... start to lose my mind a little and want to hump ALL THE THINGS. It really fucking sucks sometimes. There are some things I miss more than others. At the risk of sounding like a cheesy cliche, I miss snuggling. I especially miss kissing. It's such a splendid thing to do. On the bright side, I bet I get more of a thrill from the bus seat vibrations than you do. *smirk*
Heh, I admit I've been thinking about this blog for the last couple of days. It's very pertinent to me at the moment!
ReplyDeleteSo, I truly get the no sexing bit, but why does that include kissing and snuggling? Do you associate these things with sex more than with love? Or is it that you assume that these are triggers for sex?
In my long-term relationship (when we called it a "marriage") that there was some sort of obligation at times. If I asked for sexual relief, I could get it. Nowadays I don't care for that, so sometimes my partner is not sexually interested, so I have slowly learned how to detach from my sexual intention and cool off.
But kissing is not in this realm, I don't need to get a kiss or "my balls will explode", kissing and hugging always authentic on some level. There is communication. So when both people are up for it, the sex that results can continue to be just as authentic.
By the way, this wallpaper you've got going on here is turning me on.
Just a quick clarifier while I think of it (though I am working on a proper follow-up to this post to further explain things) -
ReplyDeleteI can masturbate if I want to, I just haven't felt inspired to do so.
Kissing and snuggling/etc are not off the menu at all. I'm "allowed to" do those too. I just don't have someone to indulge with at the moment. :)